William was on of the World's Oldest Living Domesticated African Clawed Frog!!!

HOW I G0T MY NAME?
MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE!
ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND, CLAUDETTE---
MY FAVORITE MUSIC
MY FAVORITE FOOD--CHRISTMAS DINNER
MY VIEW OF LIFE
THE OLD MAN AND THE FROG

When my master sent for me (from Grow-A-Frog™), the instructions suggested that I be named after himself. My master thought, "What a great idea! Now when my wife asks me to do something, I can pretend that I thought she was talking to the frog." And so, I was named after my master (whose middle name is William). My master's wife soon caught on and so she renamed me simply William so that there would be no mistake as to whom she was speaking.

One morning I zoomed to the top of the aquarium too fast and went flying out onto the floor. I didn't know what to do. I can't be out of water for any length of time so I crawled across the rug searching for water. My master was just getting ready to leave for work when he spotted me heading under the refrigerator. He managed to get me out and back in the aquarium just in time. I survived but with a broken, or at least disjointed, hip. I wouldn't be here today if my master hadn't been in the right spot at the right time and acted quickly. Let me tell you, it was a scary experience and I am more careful now. 

Claudette was a South American aquatic frog and she was petite and very cute when she came to live with me (my master thought I needed a friend). But she didn't stay petite very long...what an appetite. She soon grew to be about five times as big as me. But I loved her anyway. At about 11 in the evening, she would be near the bottom of the aquarium resting. I would slowly, quietly float to the top and position myself right above her back. Then I would slowly float down until I was on her and stay there hugging her all night. One day (must be something I said) she jumped out of the aquarium and never came back. I wish I knew what caused her to leave. I really miss her.

Frogman Henry's "Ain't got no home" is my favorite song. When my master plays it on his stereo, I just can't keep from dancing around my aquarium.

I also like "Where have you been Billy Boy" which my master sometimes sings to me before bedtime .

I always look forward to the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas). I love raw turkey liver more than anything! My master says that it is too rich for me to have more than once or twice a year. Maybe he's right and maybe because he takes such good care of me is the reason I have lived so long...But at my age, what difference does it make? So it knocks off a year or two of my life...I've outlived all my brothers, sisters, mother.....Let me have my liver! My master says I have a point. He says it 's like all the crap about eating stuff that's not good for you (and drinking and smoking and so forth) cutting five years off your life---well so what, it will be the worst five years of your life! Enjoy! You could be run over hopping across the street tomorrow!

I may well be the oldest living African clawed frog. My master researched the internet and found that the longest-lived of my relatives on record was one that was captured in Africa and he lived to be about 15 years old. According to the Grow-A-Frog™ people, the average life span for one such as I (produced in a laboratory) is only about 5 years. I was born either in January 1985 or 1986 and that makes me at least 21 (+/- 6 mos) years old as of this writing. 

To me life is simply survival. My needs are few and as long as they are met what's there to worry about. Life is too short to spend it worrying! This simple philosophy may account for my longevity....My master says humans could learn a lot from me.

...The Old Man and the Frog......

An  81-year old man who loves to fish was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen!  Then I'll give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."

The old man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

THE WIT, WISDOM AND OBSERVATIONS OF 
WILLIAM THE FROG