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The Strange Ordeal of Poor Mister Burpus
From Fire-Rescue magazine

"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my house via the catflap," Gunter Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen,Germany. "I suppose that's the reason they're called catflaps, rather than human flaps--they're too small for people, and perhaps I should have realized that."

Burpus, 41, a gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had become trapped in his own fron door for two days after losing his house keys. "I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but became trapped fast around the waist. At first, it seemed rather amusing. I sang songs and told myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory.

"I began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so my screams were muffled. After a few hours, a group of students approached me, but instead of helping, they removed my trousers and pants, painted my buttocks bright blue and stuck a daffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign next to me which read, 'Germany resurgent: an essay in street art. Please give generously' and left me there.

"People were passing me by and, when I asked for help, they just said, 'Very good. Very clever.' and threw coins into my trousers. No one tried to free me. In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog started licking my private parts and an old woman complained to the police.

"The rescue services came and cut me out, but the police arrested me as soon as I was free. Luckily, they've now dropped the charges. And I collected more than 3600 marks (approx. $2,000) so the time wasn't entirely wasted."

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